Defending the Ranch (Ace Kills the Decoy)
By Ace the Deer Dog. The humans think they run things around here, but, as we all know, this is my ranch.
Someone come save me! I am just here defending the ranch and the humans have lost their minds and Nick has been in the barn, grinding and grinding. Is he getting rid of bodies? No, he says he’s making our deer feed better… but I don’t trust him, any human that spends that much time grinding things up is to be watched closely. I saw the movie Fargo!
Donald is being a huge pain in the butt, with all the guides out chasing turkeys in the woods. Donald, not so much. He talks a big game about hunting turkeys, but we can’t remember the last time he shot one. Instead, he walks around the office with his owl hoot call and annoys everybody else in the office. It’s a good thing he’s “the boss” or the other guides would probably lock him in the walk-in freezer for a day to teach him a lesson.
Jacob (My Nemisis)
The craziest of the humans, Jacob, is not normally allowed in the house… and for good reason. For starters, he’s barely house trained and spends most of his time plowing and moving blinds around… outside… where he belongs. When we do let him in the house, bad things happen.
Yesterday, I went into the office with Donald and there was a deer standing IN THE ROOM. Me, Ace, master of deer tracking and slaying, thought this must have been a rabid deer and ready to attack everyone in the office. So, I attacked the deer and killed it good. I ate his neck and his face… he didn’t even flinch.
Jacob shouted at me, called me a bad dog and hurt my feelings. Turns out it was his new deer decoy. Oops, my mistake. Jacob shouldn’t play with his deer toys inside. I gotta keep this place safe.
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See you next week for the next update from Ace the Deer Dog.
This is hilarious. Good read